I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
