I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
