are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
