this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
