There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
