The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
