eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
