sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
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