So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
