if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
