There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Randomize
