you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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