that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
should my penis look like a turkey
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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