I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
