Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Come see our sink grown plant.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
