did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
