Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize
