I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
