We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
