ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
