Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
