I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
smell my finger.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
