This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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