so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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