Say something about gay babies.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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