I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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