i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
