i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
