So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
