And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
