Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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