Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
