I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize