hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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