The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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