She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize