Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize