Yo dont text me then not text me
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
