oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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