3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
one two three fourrrrnication!
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
