apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize