I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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