I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize