Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
