Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Randomize
