Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
