I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
