I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
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