You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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