You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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