matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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