omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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