nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
