This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
