pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize