I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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