did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
