Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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