I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
