Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
