How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
