I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
