It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
