i permit you to call me
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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